Last Chance Caption Contest #3

This contest is nearing an end. Entries thus far:

1.
Young Man: "He has been sleeping for almost 2 days now."
Woman: "Will you please push him out of the train, my hat is starting to quiver..."
Old Man: "POPPYCOCK!! I AM AWAKE. And to prove it I will inspire you with dance.

2.
Young Man: What's that you say, old chap? One million dollars for a night with my wife?
Woman: Honey, please, would you stop trying to whore me out to every creepy old gentleman we meet?
Old Man:zzzzzz...

3.
Young Man: Just sign the papers old man, or the lady here gets it.
Old Man: I will never sell to you, Johnson. By Thor's hammer I shall never betray my family. You know how much that dirt farm means to me.
Young Man: Dammit! You beards are all the same. What with your smooth, bald heads and glimmering spectacles. I will get that dirt, old man! If it means I hunt you down like a scurvy wharf dog I will get it all!
Woman: Stop yelling, Lawrence. Your mustache is flailing.
Young Man: Quiet you!

4.
Young Man: I do beg your pardon, old bean. But, is this perchance the the carriage to...Chattanooga?
Lady: Oh, Reginald. How drole of you.
Old Man: If I rolled my eyes anymore than this, my head would pop off.

5.
Young Man: Tell us again of your visions, Father.
Old Man: I see tubes. Yes, millions of tubes packed with moving images that flow like water. A hindu pygmy dances. A negro baritone sings of processed cocoa precipitation. The future is strange indeed.
Young Man: Make sure you tell that story exactly as you just told it when we get to the sanitarium.

6.
YoungMan: Oh, isn't it wonderful dear? To be seated next to the one and only R.J. Baldinlockes III. Even in his sleep he projects such raw unbridled majesty. I have always dreamed of the opportunity to be in the presence of such greatness.
Lady: Oh word? I think he just farted.
R.Jeezy: Poot!

6.
Young Man: "Hey silly woman, did you hear about the caption contest? I submitted an entry and await my winnings."
Woman: "Well this man submitted so many entries he lost function in his left arm."
Old Man (dreaming): "Damn those grass-fasters! They are so FAST!"

7.
Young man: hey, HEY, Chrome Dome stop crappin in your pants

UPDATE!
Feel free to vote on these if you want. Just remember, this is not a democracy.